2010. I join the ranks of people making lists for the New Year. Though I don't call mine resolutions. I call them Goals. My lists are always long and hopeful. Last year, I was able to check all but a couple items off of my list. This year, I've already got 2 things checked off with a 3rd task coming to a close quickly.
My #1 Goal for 2010? SIMPLIFY. SIMPLIFY. SIMPLIFY.
I hate messes. I can't stand clutter. I don't like having Things. I'm seriously not materialistic at all. My kids, on the other hand, take after their dad on this one. Especially my daughter. She has THINGS. Everywhere. All over. Stuffed here. Hidden there. It drives me batty. She's not even aware of everything she has. I don't get it. At all.
She turns 18 in 4 1/2 months. She's got The Itch and she's got it bad. She's looking forward to stepping through the magical portal into adulthood. Freedom to do what she wants! Space to run in the open wild! Making her own path in life.
With a lot of thought and wrestling within my heart, I decided to let her leave and move to her dad's for the remainder of her Ball & Chain Days. We decided it would be a nice transition before she left for college and was totally on her "own." She left a day earlier than planned which ripped at my heart. I cried. She cried. We held each other and cried.
Both of us felt the shift in our relationship at that moment. It hurt. It felt good. It was full of promise. It was too soon. It was right on time.
I grieved for a week. Seriously grieved. My heart ached and I crawled in my bed during my free moments and nursed my wounds. There comes a time when enough is enough and you need to pull yourself up and get back to life. So I did what I usually do in these situations. I threw myself head first into the 2010 Goals list.
I tackled all the bedrooms (including closets and drawers), the hall closet, games, both safes and both bathrooms. I made a pile for the VA to come and get. I seriously don't know how I will get this stuff out to the curb. I have a pile the same size to throw out.
Last night, I went through all the email accounts and cleaned them out, updated the master password list, and deleted subscriptions & accounts we don't use. I also deleted all my other blogs except for 2. This morning, I had a shredding party which will continue into this afternoon as I go through both filing cabinets.
SIMPLIFY. SIMPLIFY. SIMPLIFY.
It's a mantra I repeat in my head as I'm cleaning, deleting, organizing. It feels so good! It feels so freeing! What a great way to start the New Year.
Bittersweet transitions, New Beginnings, and letting go of Things that no longer deserve to take up space in my home or life.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Bittersweet Beginnings....
From the keyboard of UnknownThursday, August 20, 2009
'Cause I don't have to read that page again
From the keyboard of UnknownNot long ago, I made a vision board. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's best described as putting your goals onto a poster board in the form of pictures and words. It uses the law of attraction to manifest your dreams into reality. I started with a small board about 11 x 14. This week I'm upgrading to a large poster board. I realized I was limiting myself.
This entire past year, and especially this summer, I have been changing and improving things about my life and myself. I have never before felt such positive energy flowing out of me. I've never felt my dreams so close that I could actually feel, smell, and taste them.
I have a vision of who I want to be. I have a dream of where I want to go. My daydreams often involve these goals. I see myself as already being there.
When my healing journey began 2 years ago, I was not in a good place. I was below rock bottom. Lower than low. Pain, turmoil, uncertainty. But I knew where I wanted to be. I knew who I wanted to be. And every day that went by, in the midst of the crying and chaos, I imagined myself at the end of the journey. I pictured myself being strong and certain. Smiling. Laughing. Healed.
EVERY DAY. Even in those days when I felt like just dying instead. I looked ahead and painted a picture in my head. And focused. And hoped.
And here I am today. The outline of the picture I imagined. A little color here. Some shading there. Still not the full picture but ON MY WAY!
I'm usually not one that enjoys change. I resist it like a baby being fed strained peas. But lately, I embrace it. How does the saying go?
"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten?"
Who wants that?! I see change as an opportunity to learn new things, to meet new people, to cultivate a better life. Change is necessary for a life lived to the fullest.
A few months ago, I would've told you that I wanted to keep my bus routes. Don't you dare change them! I've had the same kids for almost 5 years. I love them. I know them like I know my own children. They love me and so do their parents. I recently got my new bus routes and they are totally new and different.
AND I'M SO EXCITED!!! Not the normal response from me. I'm going to miss the kids from my old route. No lie about that. I've heard from some of the parents I've told that they're disappointed to lose me. It's a sad day.
On the other hand....what an opportunity! I look forward to meeting the new kids and learning new routes, facing new challenges and having different scenery to look at. I embrace whatever comes with this change because it will enhance my life in some way.
Kirk Franklin is my absolute favorite Chrisitan artist. His music inspires and uplifts me. It strengthens me and changes my outlook. During the hours and hours before I had to face my dad in court and read my victim impact statement, I listened to "Declaration (This is it!)" over and over and over on my iPod. It gave me hope. It gave me strength. It gave me a vision. It is my song.
Today, I was listening to him again and his song "Imagine Me" just hit me right where I'm living.
Imagine me...having a vision. Watching dreams become reality.
Whatever I imagine ~ CAN BE. If I envision it and embrace the change.
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