Thursday, June 23, 2011

Full Circle

I was asked to be a co-facilitator / mentor for the women's writing workshop for sexual abuse survivors. There is one woman in particular that my advocate has in mind for me to mentor and we'll be meeting later this morning.

I can't help but feel that I've come full circle in my healing journey. No, my journey isn't over. It probably never will be because healing from sexual abuse or any kind of abuse is a life-long journey. But I've reached a point where I can give back and be a blessing to someone else that's hurting; guide them out of the darkness and be their strength when they're totally depleted.

Saturday, June 4, 2011


1.    I’m a runner. I finally made my dream a reality.
2.    By the time fall arrives, I will have run at least 6 5Ks, 2 5K Adventure races and hopefully will be doing the Iron Girl Duathlon.
3.    The farthest one will be in Pequot Lakes.
4.    Running has significantly improved my asthma.
5.    I haven’t used my inhaler at all while running or even after!
6.    I’ll graduate in 2 weeks from Rasmussen but the ceremony isn’t until September.
7.    I’ll be the only one in my immediate family to have a college degree.
8.    Taking the summer off and am already registered for fall to start my BS in Healthcare Management.
9.    Already talking about my Master’s. Why wouldn’t I continue on?!
10. I have stayed on the Dean’s List the entire 2 years of school – maintaining a 3.80 GPA.
11. I’m looking forward to having the summer OFF! I’ve gone to school for 2 straight years and I just need a break.
12.  As of January 1, 2011 I kicked my Coke habit cold turkey. Only to start it up again on May 10th – the day I dropped my brother off in Hibbing.
13.  It’s the nastiest habit ever but it is a weird comfort, coping thing for me. I’m quitting again tomorrow.
14.  If I don’t, I will pick up all the bad habits I used to have and I want to change my coping skills in order to deal with this deployment.
15. Besides, my brother will NOT beat me at this game! LOL
16.  I’m at the best place ever in my life – spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
17.  My relationship with God is healing. He has worked very patiently with me on trusting Him and letting Him be God.
18. I’m relieved and at peace with this.
19.  I feel like I’m back home.
20.  People keep asking me when we’re getting married. I hate that question.
21.  Yep, been together 11 years. We’re waiting until we have the money saved up for the honeymoon we want. Does that answer your question?
22.  Oh, where are we going? Greece. Possibly on a transatlantic cruise to there or a Mediterranean cruise to Greece, Turkey and Egypt. Or just to Greece. Can’t decide.
23. Plus, I want to finish my BS.
24.  Yep, things could change. I could change my mind and decide we’re getting married tomorrow. The date is up to me. But right now those are the plans so please don’t ask again.
25.  I hate a member of our family. She is a fake, a liar, rude and mean. She blames it on us.
26.  What isn’t seen is all the times we try to talk to her, include her and be nice to her yet we get totally ignored like she’s freaking Helen Keller. She won’t even look at us or acknowledge we’re there.
27. What isn’t seen is the times when she puts on a show and pretends to talk to us and be nice when eyes are on her.
28.  I’m tired of the bullshit and tired of being blamed for things that aren’t true. I won’t say anything, though, because it would only hurt someone I love very much.
29.  I love coupons and rebates!
30.  My favorite stores are Nike and Barnes & Noble.
31.  I am active in Operation Minnesota Nice and I love the feeling of making a difference in a soldier’s life. It’s the least I can do for them.
32.  I cry when I’m packing the boxes for my soldier and my brother because I wonder who isn’t getting any care packages or mail from home and I wish I could send something to everyone.
33.  Ever since my brother’s joined the military, I cry every time I hear the National Anthem.
34.  I cry a lot lately.
35.  It’s because I have so much to be thankful for. I’m so blessed in so many ways I can’t even begin to count.
36. I’m extremely proud of my brothers and their unselfish service to our country. And proud of our family for our strength.
37.  My life has completely changed in the past year on every level.
38.  I’ve crossed off quite a bit of my Goals for 2011 list but keep wanting to add more.
39.  Crossing things off my lists – whether it’s my year list, weekly list, daily list or whatever list I have going – gives me great satisfaction.
40.  I carry a planner and write everything in it. It’s my road map.
41.  The Big Bang Theory makes me laugh out loud. Sheldon’s a hoot.
42.  I can’t sleep without my big blue comforter. I even take it to hotels!
43.  My hair is the shortest its been since 10th grade…25 years!
44.  And I love it!
45.  Sean…not so much. He wants my long hair and curls back.
46.  One of my favorite things is my juicer. It’s fun coming up with different concoctions. The only bad part is cleaning it.
47.  While we were away for the week in Hibbing, I missed our dog so much that it hurt. I couldn’t wait to get home and snuggle with him!
48.  I hate dancing, singing and talent reality shows.
49.  Found out that Pitbull wasn’t black…and was disappointed. I love that guy’s voice.
50.  I hate shopping. Unless it’s for shoes, books, cleaning / office supplies and fitness stuff.
51.  I don’t like scary movies. I don’t even like shows like CSI anymore.
52.  They give me nightmares.
53.  Loved the Hangover 2.
54.  Laughed so hard at Bridesmaids that I was crying. Thankfully, I didn’t pee myself.
55.  I steal pens. From wherever I go. I can’t help it.
56.  I can’t wait until this Coding Practicum class is O.V.E.R. Even though I have a 99% in it – I really hate this class!
57.  I would much rather take College Algebra again. That’s how bad I hate it.
58.  It has to be at least 90 degrees outside before I stop being cold.
59.  I really live in the wrong state.
60.  I’ve never felt so loved in my life by so many different people.
61.  My favorite room to clean in the house is the laundry room.
62.  That’s weird.
63.  I rock myself to sleep a lot of the time. It’s a coping and self-soothing technique I learned as a child that stuck with me. Sometimes it really annoys me.
64.  I’ve learned to stop and enjoy and appreciate the small things in life. I must be getting older and wiser.
65.  My Android is driving me up the wall. I’m getting an iPhone.
66.  The main reason is so I can use the Nike+ app with the chip in my shoes.
67.  The other reason: so I can Skype by video with my brother when he’s in Iraq and I’m not by my computer.
68.  I hate the fact that I’m getting an iPhone. I don’t like following the crowds and buying things that are “all the hype.”
69.  My favorite apps right now are MyFitnessPal, Runkeeper and Angry Birds.
70.  I eat better when I use MyFitnessPal. And I’m more conscious of my water intake.
71.  I love Sean. Completely. No questions.
72.  I have several blogs and toy around with the idea of merging them.
73. Well, all except the one. The truth sets you free – found out that a lot of people already knew the truth and I never needed to protect myself. Relief.
74.  I just can’t seem to do it because I like to keep things separate and orderly.
75.  A goal for this summer is to write more. Blogging, poetry, book….just write!
76.  Going to write a children’s book with my daughter.
77.  Or several.
78.  Hopefully get them published!
79.  One of my favorite things to do is snuggle up in bed and watch animated and kids’ movies.
80.  Or pre-20th century period movies.
81.  I found out that tequila and I don’t like each other.
82.  I’d really like to get rid of everything in our house (except personal things) and start over.
83.  Oh, great…there’s the start of another list.
84.  I’ve started to collect Fiesta ware. I don’t know why I didn’t start that 20 years ago when I wanted to. I’d have more than a full set by now.
85.  I really like to go browsing around in antique stores. Thankfully, my kids do, too. It’s a fun way to spend a Saturday together.
86.  I wonder why they’re called antique stores? They should really be called rummage stores….treasure chests?
87.  Saw my first June bug of the year yesterday. Yuck!
88.  Every time I see a June bug it reminds me of being a kid and I start to giggle because there’s a funny story that goes with it.
89.  I can’t wait to go fishing with Sean on the weekends!
90.  Finally found the Yellow Brick Road. Followed it. Didn’t find the Wizard.
91.  Not even a munchkin.
92.  Sorely disappointed.
93.  We did, however, find Dorothy. And her house. And her ruby slippers.
94.  I crave Godfather’s pizza often. Just typing that makes my mouth water.
95. My days start between 4:30 & 5:00 am. I really like the early morning hours. That means I’m home shortly after lunch.
96.  I hate gossip.
97.  I can’t believe how different this list is from the first one I made.
98.  What a difference a year on your healing journey can bring.
99.  I still haven’t been able to do the “100 Things I Like About Myself” list.
100.              I’m going to add that to my Goals for 2011 list.