Wednesday, April 14, 2010


Ten things I wish I could say to ten different people:

1. I’m so proud of you for recognizing the situation for what it was & coming up with a solution...all without me.

2. Pay the money you borrowed / stole & stop trying to skirt the issue! You claim to be an adult ~ now act like it. And stop lying about it.

3. I love & miss you more than you know. I pray for your safety, health and happiness each night & think of you every day. I would be so lost if you were gone.

4. Do you realize how many people read your blog and smirk because of your two-faced life? Even so-called “best friends” that praise your work to your face talk of how pious and fake it is compared to the real you.

5. What are you waiting for?!

6. I just want to sit with you one more time, lay my head on your lap and just Be. I miss you SO much my heart aches.

7. I know you read my stuff and check my sites. And I know how. And I know when.

8. I’m so glad you trusted me with your secret. We will find a way to make it work!

9. I think it’s really deranged that you would use such an awful situation as a way to get things and be the center of attention.

10. I’m glad I made the truth public knowledge. And I wish you knew just how many people I have that support that decision and stand behind me.

Nine things about myself:
1. I write poetry to help me cope.
2. I like to eat pie dough when I’m sad or bored.
3. I get stressed out if I receive anything under 95% for a grade.
4. Daisies and lilacs are my favorite flowers.
5. I really, really want a bulldog, a rottweiler and a great dane.
6. And 2 pygmy goats.
7. School is my 2nd favorite place to be!
8. I love when my daughter snuggles up with me and talks or watches TV.
9. I love kicking around the soccer ball with my son and listening to his ideas.

Eight ways to win my heart: (Funny, my Baby is all of these & more)
1. Love my kids
2. Cook for me
3. Be goofy & laugh with me
4. Treat me like your princess
5. Share your heart with me & let me see what nobody else does
6. Put gas in my truck & leave a treat to surprise me
7. Be willing to try & learn new things
8. Be my buffer between me and the world when I need you to be.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

1. I want to move, I want to move.
2. Is it bedtime yet?
3. My brother..what’s he doing? is he ok?
4. Grandma...still. always.
5. Wedding / honeymoon plans.
6. Volunteering in Africa
7. Ugh, I can’t breathe.

Six things I wish I had never done:
1. Waited so long to break my Silence.
2. Started drinking Coke again.
3. Trusted J and K.
4. Stopped writing for so long.
5. Married someone who thought of me as only a trophy.
6. Developed asthma!

Five turn offs:
1. Smoking
2. Lying
3. Laziness
4. Arrogance
5. Messes

Four turn ons:

1. Compassion
2. Men playing with little kids
3. Trustworthiness
4. Strength

Three smileys that describe my life:
1. =)
2. ;)
3. ~:()

Two things I want to do before I die:
1. Publish my book
2. Volunteer in Africa

Friday, April 9, 2010

Still I Rise

Maya Angelou is a beautiful woman. A talented writer. And a SURVIVOR. This has to be one of my favorite poems in the world.

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Stop The Silence!

April is Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month~

*There are at least 60 million childhood sexual abuse survivors in the U.S. today. (Forward, 1993.)

*The typical child sex offender molests an average of 117 children, most of whom do not report the offense. (National Institute of Mental Health, 1988.)

*About 95% of teenage prostitutes have been sexually abused. (CCPCA, 1992.)

*Long term effects of child abuse include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships. (Browne & Finkelhor, 1986.)

*When sexually abused boys are not treated, society must later deal with the resulting problems, including crime, suicide, drug use and more sexual abuse. (Dr. William Holmes)

*Studies found that one-third of juvenile delinquents, 40 percent of sexual offenders and 76 percent of serial rapists report they were sexually abused as youngsters. (Dr. William Holmes)

YES. It's a fact. YES. It's ugly. YES. It's easier to pretend it doesn't exist or affect you.

But a CHILD you know is being sexually abused RIGHT NOW. They're scared. They're alone. They're ashamed. They're carrying the burden of a horrific, ugly secret.

What are you going to do?

BE THE SOLUTION. Listen loud enough to hear this child's silent screams. STOP THE SILENCE.

Warning Signs in Children and Adolescents of Possible Child Sexual Abuse

Any one sign doesn't mean that a child was sexually abused, but the presence of several suggests that you begin asking questions and consider seeking help. Keep in mind that some of these signs can emerge at other times of stress such as:

* During a divorce
* Death of a family member or pet
* Problems at school or with friends
* Other anxiety-inducing or traumatic events

Behavior you may see in a child or adolescent

* Has nightmares or other sleep problems without an explanation
* Seems distracted or distant at odd times
* Has a sudden change in eating habits
o Refuses to eat
o Loses or drastically increases appetite
o Has trouble swallowing.
* Sudden mood swings: rage, fear, insecurity or withdrawal
* Leaves “clues” that seem likely to provoke a discussion about sexual issues
* Writes, draws, plays or dreams of sexual or frightening images
* Develops new or unusual fear of certain people or places
* Refuses to talk about a secret shared with an adult or older child
* Talks about a new older friend
* Suddenly has money, toys or other gifts without reason
* Thinks of self or body as repulsive, dirty or bad
* Exhibits adult-like sexual behaviors, language and knowledge

Signs more typical of younger children

* An older child behaving like a younger child (such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking)
* Has new words for private body parts
* Resists removing clothes when appropriate times (bath, bed, toileting, diapering)
* Asks other children to behave sexually or play sexual games
* Mimics adult-like sexual behaviors with toys or stuffed animal
* Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training

Signs more typical in adolescents

* Self-injury (cutting, burning)
* Inadequate personal hygiene
* Drug and alcohol abuse
* Sexual promiscuity
* Running away from home
* Depression, anxiety
* Suicide attempts
* Fear of intimacy or closeness
* Compulsive eating or dieting

Physical warning signs

Physical signs of sexual abuse are rare. If you see these signs, bring your child to a doctor. Your doctor can help you understand what may be happening and test for sexually transmitted diseases.

* Pain, discoloration, bleeding or discharges in genitals, anus or mouth
* Persistent or recurring pain during urination and bowel movements
* Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training