Monday, July 19, 2010

#91…A twist on #83?


"I write "Good-bye" letters to my kids and my brother every time I get on a plane. The outside of the envelope says "Open Only On My Death." but I always end up letting them read them when I return. It's kind of morbid but I can't help it."
 

Recently, I left my Love, my kids and all my responsibilities to jump on a plane and zoom to Florida. Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I'm not a fan of flying. I love the hustle and bustle of the airport. My heart races with excitement when I take my seat and when we land. I like everything about the act of flying before and after. Just not being in the air. 
 

Why? Because I have no control over what could happen. If we're going down ~ that's it. If someone takes over the plane ~ that's it. If we explode ~ that's it. I just don't like the odds. 
 

This trip was different. My heart was at such peace! I wasn't worried about crashing, exploding or any other catastrophe that we might run into. Until we were just about to land in Florida.


 

The pilot had been trying to beat the rain that was racing us there and he lost….but only by a few minutes. I saw out the window that the ground was getting closer and the houses were getting bigger. The rain was beating the plane like a maniac and suddenly there was no visibility, as if we were playing hide-and-seek in the clouds. I started getting nauseous because the plane was dropping and shaking.


 

It was at this point that I started to feel the 'What-If' Monster rear his ugly head. The more I could see of him, the more unsettled I became. But only until I heard that Voice deep within me….."Put your trust in Me." 
 

What? Trust You. I already do, don't I? *shake, shake, DROP* 
 

"Trust in Me." Trust in You. I DO trust You. * A deep breath in…* I DO trust in You. I do. I really do! 
 

Such a revelation to me as I sat back in my seat feeling that Peace roll right over my body from head to toe. I was in Great Hands and everything would be just fine. My heart trusted in Him. I was surprised….my heart really did trust in Him. I had no fear in me at that moment. 
 

Suddenly, everything began to get smaller again and we were pulling up. 
 

"What the…?!" The pilot came on the overhead and said we were going to circle around for awhile because he couldn't see the runway. Well, thank you very much, Mr. Pilot. Thank you for not landing on a piece of ground you couldn't see!
 

We ended up circling over the ocean for almost an hour while we waited for the rain to pass. As much as I wasn't thrilled about THAT aspect, I spent that hour sitting in my seat with a silly grin on my face. I had removed a brick from the wall. Just one brick. But it was a big brick. More light was gleaming through that old, ugly barrier. 
 

Wait…TWO old bricks were removed. I never wrote my "Open Only Upon My Death" letters before I left. I guess I had already planned on coming back in one Peace.


 


 


 


 

Thursday, July 1, 2010

A time of renewal

I've been waiting for quite awhile for this trip. Since my walk through hell 2 years ago I've been running mostly on fumes. With little else to give at most times, I wonder how I've managed to continue to serve and help those I love and care about most while continuing my schooling and other things in my life. It must be the strength that God gives women that has pulled me through.

So. Here I am. Nobody to think about but myself. Nothing required of me except to breathe. It feels SO good. Soaking up the sun, sights and sand.
I feel a shift taking place. A missing piece of myself being replaced. And with that renewal comes things that I'm learning about myself. Some new. Some forgotten. All welcome. I'm once again feeling completely whole and at peace.