Saturday, May 23, 2009

I had high hopes when Daughter came home to stay. I held tight to the hope that she would put to use all she had learned, that as a family we would be healed. Those hopes were crushed and destroyed. Several times in the past month.

Things were going so well. I should've known. I should've seen it coming. But love is blind, is it not? Love bears all things. Love believes all things. Love hopes and endures all things. That is what scripture tells us. That's what I know and believe. As a mom, Love is what I DO.

I have to say I am impressed with the change in her. She is not defiant or angry. She does her chores...though it's usually on her time, not mine. But they get done. When something is bothering her, she is able to sit down with one of us and talk about it and even ask for input. She's often thinking of others and not focused on herself anymore. There is so much good in her and about her now. There always was but somewhere along the way, she lost it. No. It was stolen from her by a demon. A demon known as Depression. He stole so much from her, from her life, from us.

So while many things are very good.......there are still things that are terribly wrong. I'm standing at a place where I need to make a major decision...yet again. I am constantly wrestling with the decision day after day. It's tearing my heart apart. I don't want to make a mistake.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

I gave the last decision to Him. I leaned on Him even though I didn't understand or even know if I was doing what I should be. I trusted Daughter to Him and everything turned out right. This time is different. This time is harder. This time.....feels permanent. I feel as though I've lost my daughter.

The only thing that gives me hope is the scripture:

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

I have the promise that all I've put into her heart and her mind is still there, sprouting like a seedling. I have taught her everyday of her life how to behave, how a lady acts, how to treat others, to trust in God, that she has a purpose here. It started the first time I held her in my arms and has not stopped. If you had the time to sit with her, she could tell you almost word for word, everything I've placed in her heart. She KNOWS.

Right now she is doing things "her" way. The opposite of all I've instilled in her, of course. But one day, she will come back around. I have that promise. God doesn't break His promises.

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