Sunday, November 14, 2010

To everything, turn, turn, turn....

Yesterday I awoke to a mini snowstorm. Our first of the season. It was absolutely beautiful. It always amazes me when I go to bed knowing there's grass and leaves on the ground only to wake up and find my world completely changed and beautified. I stood at my window yesterday watching the kids play outside and Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 came to my mind.

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."

I thought of the many changes taking place in my life and our home. I thought of my children and how their seasons are on opposite planes from each other. When one is starting new season, the other is beginning a dying season.
Our oldest is leaving for Chicago at the end of the month to study Graphic Design. This is a bittersweet pill to swallow. I'm happy that she's following her dream and going on an adventure to start a life of her own. And I'm so proud of where she is now and how far she has come. She has finally beaten her depression and claimed control of her life back. But I am struggling with the end of this chapter. I'm going to miss her so much that I can already feel that empty ache inside beginning to grow. Go, Michaela! Grab onto life and enjoy your new season!
There are other changes that can't be talked about here that affect our entire family and extended family. Changes that are exciting and scary, sickening and pride building all at the same time. My son is having a hard time adjusting to some of these changes. He's been worrying and having problems sleeping. His happy-go-lucky attitude is overshadowed now by a quietness and irritability. It's affecting his school work and he's been making poor decisions. It's frightening because I don't recognize this boy. He is in a season of crying, searching and tearing down. He is scared and it shows. My struggle is that I won't know how to mother my son through his hard season. When he was little, I could wrap him up in my lap and sing and kiss his fears away. Now that he is older, he is all too aware of what the future could bring. He doesn't want Mom to kiss the hurt. He wants answers that I don't have. He wants reassurance that it will be alright even though he knows it might not be. I've let him know that this future scares me, too, and we need to talk about it to help each other cope.  
I have learned that there are times when we need to hold on tight as if our life depended on it; because sometimes it does. But there are other times when we need to open our hands and let it go. Throw it into His lap and leave it there~ because our life or somebody else's depends on it. I pray that I can teach my son that this is one of those times that we need to open our hearts and cast our cares into His lap because we can't control everything. And the burden of worrying about things he can't control is much too great for a young boy to be lugging around on his shoulders.

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