A Change of Heart

"Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself." - Mohsin Hamid

I heard some things the other day about someone that is not one of my favorite people. She is everything you would never want to be. 

Judgemental. Two-faced. Jealous. Vindictive. Rude. Just a really mean person.

I could go on and on. But, just like everyone, she has another side to her that is good. She's talented and creative. Loves her kids. She's smart. What I heard wasn't good and for a split second, I felt a surge of happiness that FINALLY she had gotten what she deserved. And surprisingly, that feeling went away as quickly as it had come.

Instead, I felt sadness for her and her situation. Her childhood sucked. Really sucked. And her adult life has been spent running, hiding and otherwise trying to deal with it without actually facing it. Those demons have chased her and taunted her and she has finally been chained to the "fate" of those before her. I feel bad that those childhood demons and the sins of her parents have created such a painful spot in her life that she became who she is today. And it makes me sad that she's not only losing herself but those around her. 

At the end of the day, I realized that the past few years have changed me more than I thought. If this had happened to this woman 4 years ago, I would have felt giddy and smug that karma had kicked her in the ass and paid her back for every mean and bitchy thing she ever did to me, said to me, and lied about me. I would have floated higher than Cloud 9 for MONTHS. But I've grown and changed. The fact that I can feel compassion for my 'enemy' is beyond amazing to me. I can put myself in her shoes because I had a childhood that could very well have destroyed me had I not dug deep and dealt with it. I could be her right now but I was given the choice to walk down a different path and I took it. 

I thank God that my heart is different. I would hate to walk around wishing and waiting for Karma to strike those that have hurt me. What a miserable existence.