Monday, September 7, 2009

Don't Forget....

Blessed. Blessed. Blessed

I am so blessed. It doesn't matter what is going on around me lately. I haven't focused on the negative.

"It doesn't matter. Rise above. Move on."

And don't forget to count those blessings. The biggest one of all right now? That my daughter is healthy again. That help came our way before it was too late. Every time she smiles or I hear her laughing, it fills me with such joy. Her eyes are actually sparkling once more. A year ago, it all felt so hopeless. But I handed her over to God and told Him I could no longer do it on my own. I told Him I trusted whatever He had planned and wanted to do.

That's where the blessing came from. Giving up control and trusting. When she came home in April, I was so scared that things would go back to the way they were. For a brief moment, she struggled. I fell apart. I heard God whisper to me one night, "Remember when you trusted her to me before? Do it again." I cried. I remembered so vividly the night I lay on my floor and sobbed and fought before I handed her over. What was hard to do the first time, was a little easier the second time.

And she came back around and has not fallen back off the path since. She has big dreams and is making plans to study graphic design in Chicago next year. I imagine God will be speaking to me yet again about handing her over to Him. When that times comes, I will have had plenty of practice.

It's no secret that I struggle in my relationship with Him. It stems from my abusive past. I still can't forgive Him or accept the fact that He listened to me scream and cry to Him as a child to help me and did nothing. Until almost 20 years later. Then I'm reminded that His time is not our time. His ways are not our ways. He didn't bring sin into this world.

I'm learning one day at a time to trust Him. It is seriously almost an impossible task for me to give up control to Him and let Him handle things. But on more than one occasion the past few months, He has come through. Instead of getting stressed out and trying to fix situations on my own, I calmly handed them over and said, "I trust You to take care of this for me." Whether it was financial or someone making problems for me, it didn't matter. He took care of it.

I remember the first time this summer when I just wanted to pay off some bills. Instead of budgeting out and stressing out over it like I usually do, I simply showed Him the bills and said, "I trust You to take care of this for me." Within DAYS, an unexpected check for $1500 came in the mail. No lie. I stood at the mailbox with my mouth gaping open and crying. Thanking. Gaining faith back. Hmmmm...I had just one more bill I wanted to take care of. Could He do it again? Repeat the steps and this time a huge check I was expecting not to come until October, came within 2 weeks. Repeat my reactions again.

I could name numerous times He's come through for me the past few months. I've been blown away with how He has heard me and answered. Is He making up for lost time? Proving His love for me? Putting my faith back where it once was?

Well, it's working. Whatever it is I'm facing, I have no problem handing over to Him and letting Him handle it. Trusting. Believing. Waiting for His timing.

"It doesn't matter." He will bring out the truth. He will take care of the situation.
"Rise above." I won't dwell on the problem or the person. I won't stress out or play their games.
"Move on." I'll put it into His hands and leave it there. Where it belongs.

And in the meantime, I won't forget to count my blessings.

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