Thursday, September 17, 2009

Never Again

Defeated & Torn
darkness all around me - i can't catch my breath
the demons that destroyed your mind are clawing at my neck.
trapped inside this tiny room - hands tied behind my back
i watch in fear and helplessness at my daughter dressed in black.
little girl lost where have you gone - they've stolen your soul as thieves
left you to bleed alone on the floor as your mother watches and grieves.
hell laughs at me and stabs my wounds shrieking, "she'll never come home!"
my hope has died i must admit, i'm weary and believe their drone.
my little girl i cannot save - defeat has locked the door
i tried so hard, i cried, i prayed, now hope lays dead upon the floor.

I wrote this poem a few years ago when my daughter was at her lowest. And so was I.
As I read over it today, those old feelings came back. Defeated. Torn. Hopeless. I remember writing the poem with tears streaming down my face and my stomach clenched in knots of pain. I was absolutely certain at this time that God had turned a deaf ear my way and I was going to lose my daughter to depression.

Today, I sat across from her at our desk and watched as she giggled and talked non-stop about random things. I tried to catch a glimpse of that little girl who had been taken and beaten by a darkness we couldn't penetrate. I didn't see her.

And I believe beyond a shadow of doubt that I will never see her again. I have my daughter back. The little girl that she was before her battle and glimpses of the woman she is becoming. The years I spent teaching her from the Bible, homeschooling her…all worth it. The years she has spent in my lap, in my arms, and at my side watching and learning how to be a wife, mommy, and woman…all worth it. All the time and energy I placed into raising her has become my reward now. And I can only see this investment continuing to grow and give back to me.

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