Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My Way or the Highway!

I received a call last Friday from my youngest brother. Thought he was calling just to chat but found out quickly that wasn't the case. He was simply 'reminding' me to call Dad because it was his birthday. Yep, I knew that.

Do I need a reminder? No.

Was I going to call him? No.

Did I even send a card? No.

I love my little brother. I'm not mad that he called just for that purpose. I explained to him the Why's of my actions. He said he understood and even agreed with me. Was he telling the truth? Who knows. It doesn't matter. I shouldn't, however, have to explain and defend my actions. My relationship with our Dad is my business and his…..especially because of what transpired between us.  
I don't question or discourage any of my siblings and their relationships with our Dad. We all went through Hell and were destroyed because of him. We all have our own lives, hearts and paths to rebuild ~ with or without Dad. Those decisions should be ours and ours alone without having to explain the reasoning.

I love my Dad. Without question. Without explanation. Without apology.

My entire life I struggled and worked to build a relationship with him. It was always me making the first move, the phone call, and traveling to visit. For a few years when I cut him out of my life the first time, I listened to my sister try to put guilt trips on me while she told me all the reasons I needed to go visit him and call him; about how sad and upset he was because I didn't send a card for Father's Day or his birthday. Back then, it only made me angry. She had no idea WHY I had taken him out of my life. There was no way I could explain it.

Here we are two years after he's been released from jail for what he did to me. I refuse to be bullied or made to feel guilty for not calling him on his birthday.

Let me ask some questions:

Who made the first move after Dad was released from jail to try & rebuild the relationship? ~ Me. I called him on the Thanksgiving after he was released.  
Has he called me at all since then? ~ NO.

Has he emailed me at all since then? ~ NO.

Has he written to me at all since then? ~ NO.

Did HE call or send a card on MY birthday? ~ NO.

Relationships are a two-way street. My siblings and I have always been the ones to reach out to our dad, to visit ~ to make the effort. I have reached the point and been through enough counseling to realize that I don't have to put up with it anymore. I'm worth so much more than that.

It's sad that my own father doesn't see my value or the value of a relationship with his children. What an empty legacy he will leave behind.

No. I'm not angry with my dad. I placed this in God's hands long ago. He knows what is best for me and will take care of it. My dad has his own path to rebuild. How and with whom he chooses to do so is his business and a decision he'll have to live with the rest of his life.

I'll continue to stand firm without guilt. I finally love, respect and care about myself. Anyone who doesn't share this view and refuses to do the same isn't welcome into my world. 

For the first time I'm in control. It's my way or the highway. No apologies.





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