'Cause I don't have to read that page again

Not long ago, I made a vision board. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's best described as putting your goals onto a poster board in the form of pictures and words. It uses the law of attraction to manifest your dreams into reality. I started with a small board about 11 x 14. This week I'm upgrading to a large poster board. I realized I was limiting myself.

This entire past year, and especially this summer, I have been changing and improving things about my life and myself. I have never before felt such positive energy flowing out of me. I've never felt my dreams so close that I could actually feel, smell, and taste them.

I have a vision of who I want to be. I have a dream of where I want to go. My daydreams often involve these goals. I see myself as already being there.

When my healing journey began 2 years ago, I was not in a good place. I was below rock bottom. Lower than low. Pain, turmoil, uncertainty. But I knew where I wanted to be. I knew who I wanted to be. And every day that went by, in the midst of the crying and chaos, I imagined myself at the end of the journey. I pictured myself being strong and certain. Smiling. Laughing. Healed.

EVERY DAY. Even in those days when I felt like just dying instead. I looked ahead and painted a picture in my head. And focused. And hoped.

And here I am today. The outline of the picture I imagined. A little color here. Some shading there. Still not the full picture but ON MY WAY!

I'm usually not one that enjoys change. I resist it like a baby being fed strained peas. But lately, I embrace it. How does the saying go?

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten?"

Who wants that?! I see change as an opportunity to learn new things, to meet new people, to cultivate a better life. Change is necessary for a life lived to the fullest.

A few months ago, I would've told you that I wanted to keep my bus routes. Don't you dare change them! I've had the same kids for almost 5 years. I love them. I know them like I know my own children. They love me and so do their parents. I recently got my new bus routes and they are totally new and different.

AND I'M SO EXCITED!!! Not the normal response from me. I'm going to miss the kids from my old route. No lie about that. I've heard from some of the parents I've told that they're disappointed to lose me. It's a sad day.

On the other hand....what an opportunity! I look forward to meeting the new kids and learning new routes, facing new challenges and having different scenery to look at. I embrace whatever comes with this change because it will enhance my life in some way.

Kirk Franklin is my absolute favorite Chrisitan artist. His music inspires and uplifts me. It strengthens me and changes my outlook. During the hours and hours before I had to face my dad in court and read my victim impact statement, I listened to "Declaration (This is it!)" over and over and over on my iPod. It gave me hope. It gave me strength. It gave me a vision. It is my song.

Today, I was listening to him again and his song "Imagine Me" just hit me right where I'm living.

Imagine me...having a vision. Watching dreams become reality.

Whatever I imagine ~ CAN BE. If I envision it and embrace the change.

"Letting go of my past

And glad I have another chance

And my heart will dance

'Cause I don't have to read that page again"

Imagine me

Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I

I imagine me

In a place of no insecurities

And I'm finally happy cause

I imagine me

Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me

Cause they never did deserve me

Can you imagine me?

Saying no to thoughts that try to control me

Remembering all you told me

Lord, can you imagine me?

Over what my mama said

And healed from what my daddy did

And I wanna live and not read that page again

[Chorus:]Imagine me, being free, trusting you totally

finally I can...Imagine me

I admit it was hard to see

You being in love with someone like me

But finally I can...Imagine me

Being strongAnd not letting people break me down

You won't get that joy this time around

Can you imagine me?

In a world (in a world) where nobody has to live afraid

Because of your love fears gone away

Can you imagine me?

[Bridge:]Letting go of my past

And glad I have another chance

And my heart will dance

'Cause I don't have to read that page again

~Kirk Franklin / Imagine Me / Hero