Tuesday, October 27, 2009

To Dad

This song says all I cannot say to you right now. You wonder where I've gone and yet you haven't looked for me. You wonder why you haven't heard from me and yet you haven't listened.
From the time I was a little girl until the woman I was yesterday, I always held your hand. I assured you everything would be alright. I chased away your demons. Even when I had every right to hate you and erase you from my life, I tried to make amends with you. I forgave you. I worked to build a life with you.
As a little girl, you held my heart and were my world. But you chose to create demons that would destroy and consume my life. You chose to take that innocent child love and crush it to the ground. Even as I entered womanhood, you continued.

Today, I am a new woman. A Phoenix. Reborn. Strong. Free. Yet still oddly bound.
Healed but still wounded.

I walked your journey with you, though it wasn't mine to walk. I had no obligation to hold your hand through it but did so out of love.
You? You abandoned me and left me to walk through the dark on my journey...alone. A journey you bought the ticket for.

The pain of realizing that...
though you're still with me, I've been alone all along.

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